Life's Lessons with God

Greetings and salutations. I'm back to share my experiences in the last few years. Since we last spoke I've experienced ups and downs, fears and security, life and death, all with which provided me experiences with God that many tend to write off as coincidences. First I was supposed to marry the girl of my dreams after she concluded her surgery.  She had a vestibular schwanoma. That my dear friends is a tumor on the hearing nerve. Well needless to say during her recovery, I was flailing and faltering my way down to rock bottom, job after job, excuse and lie one after another. All while being self involved and not being by her side through therapies and recovery under the guise of "trying to be a provider".

I finally lost all jobs except my part time handler job at FedEx airport, lost my car and was using my moped as mode of transportation. I just had an interview with a shoe in job at Amazon through their temp agencey on a beautiful October morning. I went to update my resume just as it got warmer. As I took a S curve on the street at 40 mph, i hite one of those patch strips they lay on a crack. Being October and the sun just came out to warmth, the patch was still wet with condensation of the morning dew. I ended up laying my moped on it's side directly into oncoming traffic. In what can only be described as the Grace of God, somehow i slid under the side of the van while my moped hit it directly. It proceeded to bounce off as he came to a halt and somehow circled my pain filled body  completely like a chalk outline and skid across the street. I got up hip throbbing in pain, and arm tore up in road rash from wrist to elbow. The guy immediately got out to check on my safety. In the moments the followed, he notice my elbow had a deep gash in it. It was then a local business proceeded to call ambulance to come check me out. As the paramedics loaded me into the back, the police who came to scene proceeded to inform me after running my State ID that I had a warrant out for my arrest for failure to appear in traffic court a few years back. With the knowledge of going to jail after my brief stint in the hospital to get cleaned and stitched up I started losing hope. In the hospital I looked at my feet in shame as I awaited for care, and stared at the cuff around my ankle to the bed. For a brief moment I thought of Paul and his many stints and time in jail in the first century. The moment passed as the pain came roaring back. After hospital and jail stint I went home all bandaged up and I lost it. I proceeded to drop to my knees in what can only be described as the Holy Spirit praying for me as I couldn't mutter a single word, i began to weep hard. In what seemed to be an eternity I found the only thing I could mutter intermittenly in my cries of sorrow was "I'm so sorry please forgive me". God spoke to me in the moment just before I nodded off to sleep. He told me to get back into His Word for direction.

In the following year I proceeded to do the One Year Bible reading plan with YouVersion Bible App. I faithfully read my assigned reading daily. Some days felt like I was going through the motions, but others felt like food for my soul. To be honest I probably treated it more as go through the motions. But I did find hunger for His Word begin to grow. I found myself bored at the milktoast sermons I could find at any church or bible study. I began my pursuit for deep bible study teachings. Those were the first of a few moments. 

Fast forward to 2017. In February my mother went to hospital for emergency as she couldn't breath hardly at all let alone comfortably. Over the course of the next few months she had a trache put in to assist her in breathing. She was a lifelong smoker, and the consequences finally caught up to her. That May i took a flight down to see her for Mothers Day. It was a nice surprise for her. I wanted to go because at many times it seemed to be touch and go. But I wanted to encourage her to fight, to put in the hard work through therapy to get herself back into shape to go home and live her life independantly. I believed in her whole heartedly. I also went to encourage her to strengthen her relationship with God. While my mom may not have gone to church consistently or had her vices that went directly against Gods will for us as His humans, she  was a believer. I brought her Bible to her, downloaded some sermon apps that I was using to learn from so that she may learn as well. That was one of the best weeks in my life with my mother. We had had some animosity for many years, even through our love for each other. That week we were able to speak and finally get everything on the table and forgive each other truly.  Not just say the words but truly forgive.  A few months later she finally went home. Smoke free, trache filled. At the end of her first week home, she ran some errands and set up her new primary care doctor. She went home and took a nap. So did my stepfather. He woke up 2 hours later to find my mother on the floor, deceased. She had a heart attack in her sleep. My best guess is she somehow got into a coughing fit, and in her weak state of health, it was too much and triggered the heart attack. I remember the first two days after receiving the call that she had passed, my only response was to pick up smoking out of stress, numb feeling, anger, yet at the same time going to God and thanking Him for not letting her suffer. I flew back down to help assist in setting up her arrangements. I remember feeling good about my stature in life as I was now able to pay for my mothers death arrangements. A few years ago as you remember I was financially irresponsible and non existent.  God guided me through years of self focus on doing the things I had to do to be a functional member of society. As I flew back home at the end of the week, I found myself cigarette free (thankfully only a week and a half of that crap). But more importantly I was in a state of peach with her death I was almost offended. But I came to the realization that was God looking out for me once again. Alone who knows what road I would have taken, but with God's protective hand i was guarded from depression and devastation. I was made new.

 Now I did experience a small bit of depression, but that was taken out in the form of my eating habits. I began to eat unhealthily. I have since gained almost 70lbs and  bordering on prediabetes. Here I am today making a proclamation of not falling into that pit, so i have started to watch my diet (I did lose some weight last year thanks to new job as FedEx Delivery driver and diet) but thanks to self induced bad food, i lost diet again. But I'm currently about to enter into two fasts. One fast is a health induced water only fasting to help reset my system. The following and more important is a spiritual induced water only fast. The 2nd is to refocus myself yet once again. God used a lowly houseplant that was on the brink of death, but my roommate had rescued and revived, to speak to me. As she was explaining it's beauty of new life and rivival, that moment I heard God speaking to me. Not audible voice, but in a flash in movie flashback quality, i seen Jesus dying on the cross and coming back to life and his gift of new life and the ugliness that is me, is reborn and renewed into a beautiful being. Just like that houseplant. WHOA! 

I just wanted to share with you some of my lifes lessons and testimony that no matter how bleak life seems, God is always there even if we don't see or hear Him. I thank God every day that he never gave up or gives up on any one of us especially on a personal level. Remember brothers and sister, always look to Him and periodically refocus your attention on Him. It's the healthy thing to do. I can't promise to you that your experience will be like mine. Yours may be less influential or by God more powerfully influential than mine. I just pray that you open your heart and mind to His voice. Please keep me in your prayers as always. I too will keep you in my prayers as well. 

God Bless and Goodnight.